I have never met you, I cannot pretend to understand just what your problems are, other than to observe that you need help.
Forum members hail from many walks of life and are proficient in most things. It would at first glance appear to me that you suffer from a type of BMW related tourette's syndrome.
It takes a warped mind to log onto a BMW enthusiast forum for the perverse pleasure in venting your spleen and then to set about insulting people you know nothing about.
Life is to short, there is no such thing as Perfect, and the sooner you accept this fact the better life will be for YOU and by extension better for the rest of US.
I wish you well BH, and now please vacate this Forum, many Thanks.